We could tell you no.

But we’re not your mom.

Eat gummies for dinner if it makes you happy.

It’s your shitty choice to make.

We could explain it to you.

But our duck is already doing his best to get the message across.

Yes.*

*This claim is based on absolutely nothing.

But look at you.

You clearly need a little hope if you’re asking this question.

Yes.

To your ex. Your annoying aunt. Your shitty boss. Your neighbor who fires up the lawn mower at 7 a.m. on a Saturday. Your mother-in-law. Your best friend. Even someone you actually like.

We still haven’t found anyone who’s a bad choice for a bag of Duck Off.

1... to try it, if you’re chicken.
3... because you’re definitely gonna want to stick your hand in more than one bag.
8... because you’re starting to get the vibe.
12... because at this point, we’re officially in a serious relationship.
69... because apparently, we’ve opened this relationship up to a whole lot more people.

Absolutely not.

But eating gummies while saying “I don’t give a fuck” is usually cheaper to start with.

Yes.

Because after 14 years of putting up with your shit, your employees probably deserve better than a gift they’re gonna throw in the trash the second they get home.

At least this, they’ll fucking eat.

Nobody really knows who Duck Boss is.

He showed up one morning wearing sunglasses, carrying an old Walkman and the keys to the place. He sat down, cracked open a bag of nuts, and started giving orders like he’d been working here for 12 years.

Nobody had the guts to ask where the keys came from.

He’s been the boss ever since.

He walks around not giving a single fuck about what’s going on around him. Problems? He handles them his way: a few warnings on the packaging, a couple of dance moves, and we move the fuck on.

Nobody knows exactly what he’s listening to on that Walkman.

He probably doesn’t either.

Fuck yeah.

Whether you run a tattoo shop, a barbershop, a sex shop, or a hardware store, hit us up at crave@duckoff.ca.

We’ll hook you up.

No.

But you won’t give a fuck about anyone who thinks you’re not.

And that’s already pretty damn good!

Because apparently, “DUCK OFF” with a giraffe didn’t make as much sense.

Yes.

Go follow @duckoffvibe and come waste some time with us.

You were probably already scrolling anyway.

Email us at: wtf@duckoff.ca

If it’s a real question, we might help you.

If it’s a completely stupid question...

We’ll probably answer even faster.

Absolutely.

But “can” and “should” are two very different words.

The packaging gets you to buy the first bag.

What’s inside gets you to buy the next 43.

Probably.

But he doesn’t have enough fingers to sign his name.

So I guess we’ll never know.

We’re not judging you.

We did the same thing.

More than once.

Because we tried for about seven minutes.

Then Julie farted.

We found that more interesting than the meeting.

We never tried again.

At first, we just wanted to tell everyone to fuck off.

Then we figured we might as well sell some shit and have fun while we’re at it.